HelloOoOo everybody!
A lot of you have been asking me to post book reviews over the years, and there's only one reason that I haven't done it yet. I don’t wanna hurt anyone's feelings. I am an extremely picky reader. I have been studying the craft of storytelling since I was a child, so it's impossible for me to read anything and not look at it through a writer's lens. I notice every mistake, every grammar error, every inconsistency. I always predict the plot twist, and I'm not interested in naming and shaming struggling authors on my channel. I have a large audience, and I'm aware of the fact that me shaming someone's writing could be very hurtful for them and maybe even their career. I'm not trying to say I'm all-powerful or anything like that, I just don't wanna risk it.
But I also feel like there's a lot that can be learned from books. Especially bad books. It's very eye-opening to see what doesn't work in a novel, why it doesn't work, and what the author could have done to make it better. So that's been my conundrum. How do I pick apart crappy books without hurting the author? But I finally found a solution. What if I review books without revealing the title or the author's name?
Some of you might be thinking, “But Jenna, we will still totally figure it out.” But the joke's on you because I do not usually read popular pieces of fiction. You're not gonna see a review of Fourth Wing on my channel, cuz it's not on my TBR!
Thus, I think we could learn a lot about where these books went wrong without putting the author on blast. A quick disclaimer: if, by some miracle, you're able to figure out what the book is, don't send this review to the author or spread it around. That's just cruel. While I do intend for this video to at least be somewhat entertaining, my primary goal is to educate and show people how they could potentially fix these issues in their own writing.
On to my first review.
We’re gonna title this book, Washed-Up Prom Queens Deserve Love Too. This is a second-chance contemporary romance, so if that sounds like something you're writing, listen up. All romance novels follow two or more people as they fall in love, but something is threatening to thwart that love. Fortunately, by the end of the novel, they end up happily ever after, or happy for now.
A second chance romance follows two people who were romantically involved in the past, it didn't work out, and now they're giving it–that’s right–one last chance. In this novel, we follow two characters I'll be referring to as Lucy and Edgar. Names have been changed to protect the source material.
Lucy and Edgar were high school sweethearts. She was the prom queen. He was a nerd. He ends up dumping her and breaking her heart, and she never recovers from the rejection. Now they're 30 years old. Lucy has a very public breakup with a celebrity, and she moves back to her hometown, and she runs into wait for it…
Edgar! And Edgar wants her back. Does he succeed? Yes. Are we happy about it? Absolutely not.
Here are the five reasons why not only was this novel not enjoyable, but it actually had me experiencing very real feelings of anger and secondhand embarrassment.
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Number 1: The Female Character Peaked in High School
Throughout this book, we are constantly reminded of how popular Lucy was in high school. She was the prom queen. She was the class president. She came from familial wealth, and she was also a model. I am not denying that there has got to be loads of pressure involved in that kind of situation.
However! By 30 years old, you must understand that that is a position of privilege that most teens are not afforded. You must know that plenty of other kids were bullied and not accepted, maybe due to being queer or disabled or othered in some other manner. We have lines like “Heavy is the head that wears the prom queen crown.” But you know what's heavier?
The head that wears suicidal ideations.
But Lucy has been out of high school for over a decade, and she's still complaining about how hard it was to be so popular, rich, and beautiful. And for the record, I am not speaking from a place of very extreme bias. I am speaking as someone who had varied experiences growing up. I was heavily bullied as a preteen, to the point where I almost took my life. Then in college, I became a model, and honestly, I garnered quite a bit of male attention. Were there negative aspects to that experience? Of course. Mostly men just being extremely creepy. But I’d relive those years a thousand times over before I’d even consider going back to being bullied. And unfortunately, bullying and harassment are a reality for a lot of teenagers. Thus, it was impossible to root for Lucy, because she had no concept of hardship. And on top of that, she was constantly reminiscing about high school. So what? Do you love it or hate it?
How could this be fixed? Lucy could still be a former prom queen, but that doesn't need to be the focal point of her arc. There are far greater goals out there than a plastic tiara. If you're running about 30-year-olds, you're probably marketing to 30-year-old readers, which means they're going to be expecting 30-year-old problems. Save the high school experience for high school-aged readers. Adults don't wanna read that shit.
Number 2: The Evil Ex-Girlfriend Was Justified in Her Anger
Seeing as we’re back in high school, we've gotta throw in the evil ex-girlfriend from high school, because at 30 years old, she still matters for some reason. Basically, 18-year-old Lucy and Edgar had crushes on each other, but, uh oh, Edgar has a girlfriend. We are expected to hate this girl because she is like, so mean to Lucy. However, we learn that throughout their entire relationship, Lucy and Edgar are constantly flirting with one another and they almost kiss multiple times. I think that the girlfriend had a valid reason to hate Lucy, and I also think she had a valid reason to dump Edgar. But somehow, the ex-girlfriend is painted as an evil shrew coming between their love. Listen, if Edgar wanted to be with Lucy so badly, why was he with his girlfriend in the first place?
It also boggles my mind that the ex-girlfriend is in their thoughts, period. It's been over ten years. Let it go.
How this storytelling issue could be resolved is to not include it, period. It made both Lucy and Edgar look juvenile and unlikable. It's one thing for two teenagers to behave in a way that's borderline infidelity. But if we have two 30-year-olds who still haven’t recognized that how they behaved was inappropriate, that's kind of concerning. We don't need an evil ex-girlfriend in this book, especially if she's the real victim of the story.
Number 3: Begging Isn’t Sexy
And I don't mean that in a kinky way. Just let me explain.
From the moment Edgar is reunited with Lucy, he is begging her to date him again. And I don’t mean in a romantic, yearning way. I mean, in that domineering won’t-take-no-for-an-answer way that gives me the ick.
“Come on, date me! Date me! Come on! Come on, just date me! I said, date me. Come on!”
This is not giving sexy. It's giving a whiny toddler begging their mom for a juice box.
“Come on, Mommy, I want it now!”
It doesn't help that throughout the entire experience, he doesn't do a single romantic thing for her. He doesn't do anything nice for her. He doesn't help her in any way, or make her life easier. In fact, he not only begs her to date him, but he also begs her to do free labor for him. He thinks up a charity and insists that she organize it for him. And he doesn't pay her for this. And when I say he thinks up a charity, I mean that literally. He thinks, “I should create a charity!” And then he makes Lucy do all the work in actually raising the money.
The easiest way to fix this is to have Edgar woo Lucy with acts of service and kindness. Instead of whining at her, why can't he treat her with love, adoration, and respect? Readers are into romance because we want to see grand displays of affection. Have him cater to her, so she feels comfortable dating him and eventually working with him.
And can he pay her to work with him? I think that’s fair.
Number 4: The Passive Female Character
If this was the real world, the person who would be at fault for this particular issue would be Edgar. He doesn't respect Lucy, and he doesn't respect her boundaries or past experiences. The reason I am framing this from Lucy's perspective is because she's fictional. This is a romance novel, and the author chose to write her as a passive MC.
So Lucy gets out of a shitty relationship where her ex cheats on her. Unfortunately, she also worked for him and lived with him. So getting out of that relationship meant losing her house and her job. Now she returns to her hometown and runs into her high school crush who broke her heart. She still has feelings for him but she doesn't want to pursue anything, because she's afraid of getting hurt again. But he wants to be with her, so he nags her, despite her protests, until she finally gives in.
She's also adamant that she doesn't wanna work for him, because she did the same thing with her ex, and lost everything. But again, Edgar nags her to work for him, until she finally agrees, and does it for free. Basically, we have a romance novel where the heroine is repeating the same mistakes that ruined her life. She is retreating from the arms of asshole number one, into the arms of asshole number two. This is not a woman that anyone should want to relate to because she has no agency. And this is not a man anyone should want to be attracted to because he has no respect for boundaries. It reads more as a cautionary tale than a romance. Which could work in literally any other genre, maybe in a drama or a thriller.
But not in a romance novel! In a romance novel, the man should be the antithesis of the cheating ex. He needs to be a safe space for her to run to. Not more of the same. This is a big mistake on the author's part and betrays the genre as a whole.
Number 5: Lucy Is a Sure Thing
At the 50% mark of the novel, after Edgar has hounded Lucy to death, Lucy says to him, “You know I'm going to say yes. I'm a sure thing.”
This negates the entire purpose of a romance novel. At this point, there's no need to read further. Even though we know they're going to get together, readers enjoy the anticipation. The “Will they, or won't they?” And when Lucy says she's the sure thing, she's answering that question far too soon. She’s telling the reader “No matter what happens, I am choosing Edgar.”
And given his behavior, this is depressing to read. Because Edgar hasn't done anything positive for Lucy. He's harassed her into dating him. Then he harassed her into working for him, for free! And he left her high and dry as teenagers. But no matter what Edgar does, Lucy is always going to say yes to him, because she's a fucking idiot. This gives Edgar no incentive to improve his behavior or behave in any manner that's expected of a romance novel. Why should he woo Lucy, if the bare minimum gets the job done just fine?
Ultimately, what the author should have done is have Edgar prove himself to Lucy! Especially considering the fact that this is a second-chance romance, and he's hurt her in the past. Rather than have Lucy bend over backward for him, someone who betrayed her, he should be bending over backward to prove that he is not the same asshole he was as a teen. In this situation, Edgar should’ve been the sure thing, not Lucy, It would’ve been far more romantic.
So that's all I've got for you today!
Second-chance romances are supposed to be swoon-worthy. Hence, the “romance” part. I hope this breakdown helps you as a writer understand what not to do so that your readers can fall in love with your characters instead of suffering through the ick. You got this!
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