HelloOoOo everybody!
I already talked about the best family tropes, which means it’s time to discuss some shitty family-related tropes in fiction. It's relevant, I promise! I'm gonna be breaking down the worst tropes I've seen in fiction that revolve around families, whether it's parental relationships, marriages, babies, siblings, whatever. We're gonna bitch about 'em!
Trigger warning: I will be briefly mentioning physical and sexual abuse in point Number 3 of this post, so if you want to avoid that, skip that point and you should be good. I will also be mentioning child abuse in point Number 8, so if you want to skip that, as well, those are the points for you to avoid. Can't talk about shitty families without discussing abuse, am I right? On to the whining!
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Number 1: Where Are the Parents?
This teenager is going on an epic adventure and their parents are okay with it? We don't know, because although they're alive and they exist, we haven't heard a single mention of them since the start of the book. I don't know about you guys, maybe you were off battling vampires at sixteen. But when I was sixteen, my parents required a phone call just to let them know that I got to my boyfriend's house safely. Maybe I'm too old and I just don't get it, or maybe all the parents of young adult protagonists are catatonic. Who's to say?
Number 2: It’s Okay, She Has Brothers
How else is a woman gonna learn how to do manly things like change a tire, play sports, or manage her money? Everyone knows women can't do math! Thank God she has brothers, or else she'd be absolutely helpless. I don't have brothers, and I can't even wipe my ass. It's filthy! I can't imagine a world where women are capable of having their own interests or have female family members who can teach them basic skills that aren't actually gender specific at all! It's not like I learned about finance from my mom who's an accountant. That sounds made up! I mean, can you believe it?
Number 3: The Abusive, Alcoholic Father Figure
This douche comes in a wide variety including dad, stepdad, mom's new boyfriend, or freeloading uncle. The story most likely follows one of his children. If the child is male, he hates his dad and regularly gets into fistfights with him. If the child is female, she's a victim of his sexual abuse, because, of course, she is! Writers just can't miss an opportunity to sexually abuse a woman. It's not that this trope is unrealistic; it's absolutely believable. It's just that it's so damn common. I genuinely cannot think of the last contemporary novel I've read that didn't include some kind of alcoholic dad. There are other fathers in the world to write about, I promise you.
Number 4: The Long-Lost Twin
Unless a character was adopted, I find the whole “secret family member you knew nothing about” element to be kind of a reach. It feels a bit like a soap opera. Next, a character is gonna get amnesia, then fall in love with a wizard. How exactly does a twin become lost? Does the parent just drop it? Pretty sure that would kill an infant . . . their skulls are soft. And it's not just long-lost twins; it's really common–especially in series that are starting to get stale–for the writer to throw in some kind of secret relative. “Your dad isn't actually your dad! It's the murderous king who squirted you into existence!” This doesn't feel forced at all . . .
Number 5: The Evil Career Woman
She doesn't want marriage and she doesn't want kids. Her life is fulfilled by her rewarding career . . . and that's bullshit! Women were put on this earth for one reason and one reason only: to incubate fetuses! A woman working hard to cultivate a skill she's passionate about? Is that even real? It goes against nature! But don't worry guys, the author isn't gonna leave you hanging. Eventually, she'll meet the right guy who will help her realize all those years she spent building a life for herself were a complete waste of time. All she needed was his seed to live happily ever after, just as crog intended.
Number 6: The Clock Is Ticking
Now, this woman is a reflection of real women, because she is desperate for a husband–and more specifically, his semen! She needs to make a baby and she needs to do it now because the clock is ticking! I think it's great if you want to be a mom. I think knowing what you want out of life, whatever it is, is fantastic. It's just this particular trope is so overdone and always portrayed as the standard for womanhood. We have other priorities, I promise you! Plus, these women don't want to be wives and mothers, they are desperate for it. It's embarrassing. Pro Tip: if you are losing your mind searching for some skeet, you will scare the baby batter makers away. Ease up a bit.
Number 7: A Mother’s Envy
Aren't all moms jealous of their youthful, beautiful daughters? I mean, that's how it goes, right? “I made her. She's young and pretty! Now, I hate the bitch.” I don't know how this became a thing in fiction. I don't know anyone who has actually experienced this in real life. I've seen women jealous of younger, beautiful women, but not ones who came out of their own bodies. I've seen stage moms. I've seen abusive moms. But jealous moms ’cause their kid is pretty? Wouldn't they be proud they passed on pretty genes? That seems like a more realistic response. I don't know, man, this shit sounds fake.
Number 8: Be a Man
(Sings) "Let's get down to business . . . to destroy a young boy's psyche.”
I see a lot of shit in fiction where dads pride themselves on teaching their sons how to be a real man. Be hard. Be firm. Be in charge. I'm gonna teach you this by beatin' the shit out of you. Boys don't cry. Boys don't express emotion. They just bottle it all up inside until they explode in a violent rage and end up on the news. I don't mind when this is depicted accurately, as in the boy grows up to be the serial killer he was destined to be, but it gives me pause when it's romanticized or treated like good parenting. If teaching your son to “be a man” means turning his ego into a fragile, brittle shell of what it once was, then congratulations, you've nailed it!
Number 9: The Fix-It Baby!
Nothing fixes a toxic relationship like bringing a completely helpless third party into the mix. This trope is particularly prevalent in the romance genre, especially if it involves an “oopsie” baby. We had a one-night stand with zero protection and you're a controlling asshole, but between your abs and the baby I don't want, I have a feeling we'll be together forever. Muscle definition and shitty diapers solve all problems!
Statistically speaking, relationships tend to get weaker after a baby is introduced, because well, when you can't bathe or sleep and your genitals are literally falling apart, it's hard to feel appreciative toward the person who is directly responsible for the hellfire that your life has become.
Number 10: All in the Family
When the fuck did romanticizing incest become on trend? I'm not talking about fictional incest in general. Sometimes gross shit is relevant to a story. I'm talking about legit shipping twins with one another or siblings. I've even seen an actual romance between a father and daughter. What? Who's writing these stories? Mountain people? Are they being produced through “Deliverance Publishing?” Maybe “The Hills Have Eyes Books?” And who are the people consuming these stories so prolifically that it has become an actual trend? My brain is bleeding, and I don't want to be on this planet anymore.
So that's all I've got for you today!
For those of you who find family time throughout the holidays to be an absolute nightmare, just remember this video. Let these tropes serve as proof that shit could be a whole lot worse! At least you're not fucking your brother. Unless you are, in which case, what the fuck?
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